Quality of sex in Neath expected “to decline” with Neath Workies closure

August 6, 2021August 6, 20213 years ago 3 min read

Sexologist Amanda Mount fears the closure of Neath Workies could have a detrimental effect on society in Neath. She said “Neath workies on a Friday night gave the perfect opportunity for teenagers to practice their sex education on incredibly grateful older ladies.”

“The experience these juveniles would receive would stand them in good stead. Taking this opportunity away could mean that some boys in Neath will need to wait another couple of years before losing their virginity.”

However, Miss Mount is also concerned there could be further effects. “It would also be fair to expect teen pregnancy to soar. Essentially, this club gave the opportunity for young men to experiment with women who had passed child baring age. There was no risk of unwanted children. Without this haven, is seems likely that more young women will get pregnant.”

Neath workies is well known as ‘the parachute club’ (because everyone is there for a ‘jump’). It attracted people from all over the valleys with a strict dress code of ‘gold chains for men and no nickers for women’.

Practice Makes Perfect Neath Workies

Amanda Mount worries that its closure could lead to further issues. “Sex is like anything, the more you practice, the better you get. Places like Neath workies gave a fantastic opportunity for people to fool around, have some casual, no strings fun and experiment. Taking this away will inevitably lead to a decline in the quality of sex in Neath.”

“The effects of losing this could cause more anti-sociable behaviour. More frustration in both sexes. A general decline in moral in the Town”. One positive note mentioned is that there could be a decline in the number of extra marital affairs although Amanda sees another side.

“On the one hand, less affairs sounds a good thing. However, men tire of sex earlier in life than women do. Take a 70-year-old couple. The man is often happy with a once-a-year fondle. Whilst women still have that desire. This is why you would regularly see 70 year old women going home with 17 year old boys from Neath workies.”

“This once-a-week release would keep some couples together. Taking that release away is an experiment. Personally, I think the council should fight to keep the club. It serves as a vital part of the community.”

This article is brought to you by Jack Swan magazine. I hope we don’t need to tell you that it is a joke. If you wish to complain then don’t.